These are some of the things my partner can do for me, that I don’t know how to ask for:
- “Just say you understand and mean it.”
- “Give me a hug and tell me you love me and that it is going to be OK.”
- “Take charge of the situation, and take some of the burden off me.”
- “Ask me how I am, regularly, and really want to listen to the answer.”
- “Not express amazement on Wednesday, that I still haven’t pulled out of Tuesday’s feelings of depression. Realise that it is not a one-day wonder.”
- “Realise that while washing the dishes is great, it doesn’t constitute ‘helping with the baby’.”
- “Realise that it’s the baby I need regular breaks from.”
- “Understand that I need to feel looked after and nurtured – even if only from time to time.”
- “I’d like you to be able to listen to me complain, without feeling I am complaining about you. I need you not to clam up. I’d like you to say something like “That’s okay; but you’re doing really well”.
- “I’d like you not to expect me to be perfect continuously.”
- “I would like to be able to discuss my problems and worries, without your taking it as criticism, or offering solutions.”
- “I would like more help with the children.”
- “I need to be heard, but not judged.”
- “I need to be accepted, and to feel okay about doing it my way.”
- Don’t leave me alone. Don’t expect me to be happy and chatty. Let me be quiet – but be accepting and understanding about my quiet time.”
- “Be nice to the children when I can’t be. Approve of me – tell me what I’m doing right, not what I’m doing wrong.”
I would like you to tell me that you
- think I’m a good mother
- love me
- think I look great
- are happy that you married me.
- I need you …
to communicate
- to support me as a woman
- to support me as a mother
- to hold me when I am sad and not to try and sort out my problem
- to really listen to me
- to engage with me
- to actively take decisions with me with regards our child
- to feel your own feelings and express them
- to laugh
- to be present in the home
- to make the fire when you come home
- to love me
